thoughts on the short leash

sunday morning, on the couch, both tuned in to screens:

are you going to lay back soon?

what?

you’re leaning forward.  are you going to lay back soon?  

uuuuuh, no, i’m going to get up.

okay, i just needed to know.

:: :: :: ::

it is the mostly selfish part of my gut that doesn’t recognize the sheer beauty that this is.  to be watched and wanted is nothing to take for granted.

the recurring requests for my whereabouts in the house, the slight panic that can ensue when i’ve gone outside without announcing myself, the nearly constant contact of a foot or an arm or a full body lean.

i can cringe and spin in thoughts of how i have hovered too much, helped knit that strong leash that still tugs. i can hear defensive thoughts in my mind:  i tried to get them to take pacifiers!  i tried!

and i know that it’s good, it’s fine, they’ll find their ways, we didn’t mess them up more than can be fixed, we’ve given them tools and encouragement to notice what’s lacking and make moves to heal {and i am actually proud to say one of my children informed me that even though life is really good, it’s going to be so much better when she’s a parent…that IS the way it should be}, on and on and on.

i will treasure those moments not only in my mind but the corners of my gut and heart.

and to continue the notion that there is something to learn from everything, i’m now thinking of this short leash concept for my own life.  what if i had a child-like awareness of the divine?

how often do i wonder where the divine peace of god is in my life?  is it there?  is it here?  wait, is it RIGHT here?  is it RIGHT here or is it across the room?  does it see me?  is it watching me?  can it hear my announcements of where i’m going for a few minutes?  can it hear my announcements of my return? do i have to go somewhere to find it?  where is it going next?  can i just lay here and touch it?  can i keep going with my day but walk within a few feet of it?  can i venture farther away but call out just to make sure it’s close?  can i keep talking without even needing a response?

and maybe i’m moving towards that place of action…to shortening my leash to all that is good and right and holy, trusting that there is more presence and patience than i will ever exhibit.

{and just to keep balance, let me now admit that ever since i first typed the word “leash” i’ve had “who let the dogs out” in my head…and i probably will all day…WOOF-woof-woof}

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6 thoughts on “thoughts on the short leash

  1. “and maybe i’m moving towards that place of action…to shortening my leash to all that is good and right and holy, trusting that there is more presence and patience than i will ever exhibit”.

    I’m writing this down and sticking it on the wall… or maybe my forehead and then pray for osmosis to happen. Beautiful post.

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  2. TODAY I was going to post this poem. I see now that we are still on the same wavelength, though miles away. Miss you.

    Blessing in the Round

    This blessing
    cannot help it;
    it’s the way
    it was designed.
    Lay it down
    and it rises again.
    Release it
    and it returns.
    Give it away
    and it makes a path
    back to you.
    There is no explaining
    how it delights
    in reappearing
    when you have ceased
    to hold it,
    no hiding the sly smile
    it wears
    when it shows up
    at your door,
    no mistaking the wonder
    when it circles back around
    just at the moment
    you thought you had
    spent it completely,
    had poured it out
    with abandon
    where you saw
    the deepest thirst for it,
    had put it entirely
    in the hands
    of those desperate
    in their hunger.
    But here it is,
    the perfect circle of it
    pressing into your hand
    that curls around it
    and then lets go,
    receiving
    and releasing
    and receiving again
    like the breath
    that does not belong to us
    but sets us in motion.

    Jan Richardson

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  3. At catechuminate tonight, our rector, Mtr. Laurie said, ‘God is present whether you are or not. God doesn’t always need you to be present; he just needs you to show up.’ While I share your need to me present, I found that comforting.

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  4. Hi Kristin … Beautiful thought – short leash to God. Very moving! One of our sons commented on the short leash … To his Mom: ˆYou always had us on a short leash but allowed for slack to us – freedom”. God is so gracious, He provides the leash and assures us of freedom. Oma and Opa.

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