god is good and…

along with nearly every preschool friend, eliza is coughing, had a fever this weekend, is full of phlegm.  i felt part of me come alive as i remembered 4 years ago.

exactly 4 years ago, eliza was coming home from the icu after battling rsv and bacterial pneumonia.

she was 10 months old and so sick.  when her heart rate was over 200 (i stopped looking) and her oxygen level was in the 80s, i was put in a wheelchair while holding her and we were rushed from our hospital room to intensive care.  i remember a moment of terrifying clarity:  god is good and babies die and god is still good.  and i was screwed.  my faith suddenly put me in the position of losing a child.  god, the whole mystery of it all, is good. i believed that.  i had no bargaining power left.  oh, i begged and pleaded and made promises to never be frustrated with her antics.  i checked out and let family and friends take over.  i nursed her at every moment i could.  and with humility, we brought our child home.

i know this is small in the scheme of things.  i know that this is the tip of the iceberg for so many families.   god is good and all of life happens.

:: :: :: ::

updated:  so, i guess i did write about this…almost the exact sentiments…i guess i haven’t changed much.

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12 thoughts on “god is good and…

  1. Oh, that picture hurts the heart!! What a sweet little munchkin she is. I love hearing her full name; it’s beautiful. I don’t think I had heard it before.

    Poor little noodle. I hope she feels better very, very soon.

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  2. Lydia is almost the size of Eliza in that picture with the breathing machines and this made my heart pound. I have such a difficult time being able to NOT get anxious when I see awful things happen to children, especially when they’re the same age as my own. I can barely handle it.

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  3. Hi Krisitin and family. We were truly touched to read of Elisa Irene being sick. It is so good to read how God so marvelously healed Elisa as a baby. We ask God to do it again! Love you all so much and daily hold you up in prayer. Always your Oma / Omi and Opa / Opi.

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  4. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts that can be recognized as silent prayers we all pray at times when our faith is tested. May God heal your child and confirm your faith in a very concrete way. Yesssss…God is good!

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  5. Oh, this one brought me to tears Kristin.
    Your sweet baby girl all hooked up to those machines… the helpless, anxiousness as her mama. The fear so raw and palpable that comes from things like heart rates and oxygen saturation levels…I know so well that feeling.
    AND God IS good, SO good!
    Sending wishes for Eliza’s speedy recovery!

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  6. Oh, the memories of Callan in the NICU, same machines…same feeling of panic…and repeating to myself God is Good…God is Good and desperately praying with all the strength I had left.

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  7. You spoke to me with this. You gave me a reminder I needed to hear. You prompted me to write in my own blog for the first time in months.

    Thanks for your insight.

    Hope Eliza is finally on the mend…

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  8. the picture just made me sad that i shed tears.
    I do love her more than i realized.
    i am thinking of calling you and talk to her. maybe this is not a good time.
    but when everything gets better, please let me know the right time to call.

    Yes, God is good no matter what happens :)

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