along with nearly every preschool friend, eliza is coughing, had a fever this weekend, is full of phlegm. i felt part of me come alive as i remembered 4 years ago.
exactly 4 years ago, eliza was coming home from the icu after battling rsv and bacterial pneumonia.
she was 10 months old and so sick. when her heart rate was over 200 (i stopped looking) and her oxygen level was in the 80s, i was put in a wheelchair while holding her and we were rushed from our hospital room to intensive care. i remember a moment of terrifying clarity: god is good and babies die and god is still good. and i was screwed. my faith suddenly put me in the position of losing a child. god, the whole mystery of it all, is good. i believed that. i had no bargaining power left. oh, i begged and pleaded and made promises to never be frustrated with her antics. i checked out and let family and friends take over. i nursed her at every moment i could. and with humility, we brought our child home.
i know this is small in the scheme of things. i know that this is the tip of the iceberg for so many families. god is good and all of life happens.
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updated: so, i guess i did write about this…almost the exact sentiments…i guess i haven’t changed much.