i can let go

i’ve usually found it easy to let go of my children.  i don’t feel like holding on to their shirt as they pull away.  i don’t feel less loved as they walk tall away from me.  but the thing is, they’ve usually let go first.

eleven years and three very different personalities later, i’m catching on to this parenting thing…and i’m not feeling so good at it.

it makes my stomach swirl and my mind go fuzzy when i  am the first to let go.  i’m longing for an image of this.  not a we’re walking down the street holding hands and then i pull away and run, but an image of love, strength and patience.

i let go when my seven year old sobbed at his classroom door.  i let go when my eleven year old walked into a huge room of mostly strangers.  i let go, though my heart was like a vice grip around them.

so i turn to prayer and hope they can feel the comfort of god.  god through nice teachers and friendly children and cool water and a lunch that tastes good and outside air during the day and the thrill of learning something new and the satisfaction of creating and time passing quickly enough…

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9 thoughts on “i can let go

  1. I had such a hard time this year too – still am. Gunnar is at a new middle school and knows no one and is overwhelmed by how different it is and it’s awful. Just awful. I don’t know what to do. Here’s hoping that it passes for both of us.

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  2. Ohhh….my hearts is having flashbacks.
    I couldn’t do it anymore/or all over again….so I didn’t.
    I feel SO much more peace & joy now.
    I think I’ll always suck at letting go…where my kids are concerned, anyway.
    But I’m not sure I want to be good at it, anyway.
    Hang in there.

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  3. So helpful to me – that last part. My somewhat quirky firstborn is off for his first year of middle school in a couple of weeks.

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  4. I am reminded of the tears that came so easily when I took my first baby to kindergarten 9 years ago. I was filled with such intense emotion— joy—sadness—wonder… Letting go is never easy. May God give us all the strength to endure the bittersweet moments of raising our children.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful post.

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  5. the image that comes to mind for me after reading this post is the times you held callan at preschool when he was the one sobbing. you were his comfort then and he still seeks comfort in you today.

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