thoughts on and beyond myself

i’ve always taken comfort in the notion that i am one woman in this world. this can make me feel powerful by knowing i am taking up my own space in this world or comforted by being hidden in the masses of others. i can see my face alone taking up the globe. i can see my whole self perched on the edge of the globe arms outstretched. i can feel big. i can feel small.

i woke this morning to pounding and tapping…i went outside to the sing song of spanish…workers on the roof next door.  i heard bits and pieces. i heard that someone ran…something funny…laughter…laughter in another language. what a gift on this cinco de mayo. i felt wonderfully small in this world.

i cut grass by hand last night. using scissors i reminded myself of the women i’ve watched in my life cutting grass with scissors. i used to wonder what poor simplicity their lives held that gave them time and motivation to do that. were they crazy? were they lonely? were they simply perfectionists? were they inviting community as they perched and bent at the sidewalks.

i did it in a simple matter-of-fact way. i had the time. i had scissors. i had grass over bricks where i didn’t want it. was their choice that simple too? oh how my heart confesses and grieves the many moments of judgement i have given. i feel horribly big in my ability to perceive the world.

we have opportunity. to create beauty. to trust others. to assume the best. to listen for laughter that is different than our own. to let ourselves feel small and be careful when we feel big.

7 thoughts on “thoughts on and beyond myself

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