well, that was good times.  good valentimes.

valentine’s day.  an excuse to make cards, tie ribbons, work in the kitchen, we turned into a valentine factory again…though this time only two of the kids and me.  all the while watching a valentine episode of cake boss on line.  i may as well be 6 years old again.  i remember the feeling during the mass production of cards or treats:  satisfaction and excitement.

and let me say that if eliza ever finds herself in a place in life where repetitive tasks are helpful, she will thrive.  that girl whipped out her valentines and pleaded for micah to let her finish his.  he said no.  she went back and added another layer of stickers to hers.

micah’s were simple and tidy and almost more work than he wanted.  but cute.

thanks to pinterest, i found a tag to alter for my preschool valentine.  i loved having a reason to finger knit.  ever since i fell off the real-knitting wagon, finger knitting is all i do…but there are only so many lengths of knotted yarn one can have.

we made homemade sea salt caramels for the walton school staff.  it was my second time making them.  i think there will be a third.  we don’t have a candy thermometer, but i’m learning about this whole hard ball stage in the cup of cold water thing.

i got fancy for preschool in more red and pink than i usually wear. now it’s all tucked away for next year.

{and oh yeah, that’s pink heart double knit…thank you newton et cetera shop!}

on the actual day, the animals shared a meal (why and how and what?!?!?), four of us joined nana and papa for supper at a favorite mexican restaurant and naomi went to gymnastics.  it’s a good thing she loves it.

and there is so much to love.  tonight we head into this season of lent and i cling more to the determination to keep perspective.  to let go when needed, to look in the eyes of my children, to recognize true joy.  our friend, gordon, preached not long ago on a passage from luke.  the phrase that hasn’t left me yet…choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life.

what a balancing act this life is.  love and lent.

if i had my camera, i would have taken pictures of them walking balance beam style on the parking lot curb behind me, arms out to balance themselves.

if i had my camera, i would have taken pictures of the 2 inch deep handprints we could make in that slushy goodness.

if i had my camera, i would have taken pictures of the ridiculously cooperative feat of making a snow baby.  she’s sleeping in the freezer now.

but the picture i want most is of the moment we paused in the sun.  that winter sun that is so penetrating it seems to dull all other noises.  i closed my eyes and whispered gratitude for it.  with the 13 little ones close enough that i could hear them breathing and  that their feet were still, i kept my eyes closed for a moment longer.

then i opened my eyes to see many of their eyes closed too, red cheeked faces turned towards the sun, in a small town, in the middle of it all.

that’s what i wish i had a picture of.

preschool enrollment, painted nails, thrift store finds, cooking, valentine making…
some joys of these days.

happy valentine’s day eve.

in sorting through photos to add to the girls’ birthday scrapbooks
(to be completed in a mere couple of weeks!),
i scan my flickr account…
and how odd that all my christmas photos are gone.
hmmmm.  
odd until i check iphoto and realize that
I NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH THEM.  
so, maybe quite fitting
as we approach valentine’s day
that i once again honor these people and places i love so much.

christmas started at home with regifting and giggles and new robes.

then we load up and head to the farm.

where the smells of what we knew we’d eat
meet us at the door,
warm drinks simmer all day,
we cram a year of love into a day.

then it’s off to chicago,
a drive that can feel like a year
until we arrive to the joyous embraces of family.

with food we count on eating,
sheets that smell just right,
love for the children pouring over.

and then home again to a house
still acting like december 1.  
tree and lights and garland
that would last three more weeks.  
all tucked away now,
i think it’s fitting to showcase this ornament…

i made it for jerry.
when we were dating.
in honor of our time fishing at the schmidt place.
in 1991.

jerry and micah were just out there today.
the whole thing seems like all kinds of crazy.

so, this post of cake pops and big oranges with a few photos of the food we’ve been eating has stopped me in my tracks.  i look at that child of mine and it doesn’t make sense that she is mine.  it doesn’t make sense that i am that old.  i don’t think i care about getting older, it just doesn’t make sense.

is my longing for them when they were little simply connected to a longing for myself back then (and actually, i was littler then).  i see younger mamas bring their babies to preschool and i see myself getting farther and farther away.  oh time, what a weird thing.

but my bigger and wiser babies are able to do things like……make cake pops!

in making these, i realized i’d never actually eaten a cake pop.  i’d seen then and swooned over their cuteness.  but i never ate one.

they are cake, crumbled up , frosting mixed in, shaped into balls, frozen and dipped in melted chocolate…suh-uh-uh-uh-weet and quite a bit of work!  but oh, they are cute.

eliza made her own cupcake display in honor of “people should all get along no matter what they look like and that would make peace and dr king’s dream come true.”  true, baby.

so, super sweet treats,
big oranges (and when combined with grapefruit, micah will easily eat five a day),

food that tastes better when fried for just a moment in a cast iron skillet with a bit of butter,
claiming this getting older,

some things will remain the same.  
tender mercies.